OppoPlan

"ImmoralMinority" (araimondo) 01/16/2018 at 20:35 • Filed to: None

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My younger son is struggling with depression. My older one went through the same thing, and the T Bird became a positive connection for us.

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My younger kid (age 14) is in a high end residential facility. I want to change schools when he comes home, and I told him I would take the CHP course with him andd help him get a motorcycle license so he could drive the Vespa to the school closest to is - giving me 2 years to get the bike ready.

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My wife is so enthusiastic that she wants me to look at buying him his own bike so we can Vespa together. Can 2 wheel therapy save my boy?

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He told me no, but told his mom he is excited but scared.

Spanfeller is a twat > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 20:53

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Its a good idea!

I personally found that everytime I was given more liberties/responsabilities I felt better with myself and much happier.

Wacko > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 20:58

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Are 14 year olds allowed to drive 50cc scooters over there?

bob and john > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:01

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Vespa twinning? VESPA TWINNING

Riding helped me a lot. I would recommend getting full sized bikes, as they demand a little more concentration and are (IMO) more rewarding to ride (nailing that perfect upshift powering out of a corner and having the front end go light on you is very hard to describe feeling, but it makes you feel like a god)

Phyrxes once again has a wagon! > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:01

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Edit: I am going to send you PM on Facebook instead of posting it here

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:01

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I would say definitely try it! If it works, it will help his depression, and help you two bond. If not, the worst thing that can happen is he stays depressed, you move onto other avenues to help him, and you sell the Vespa you get for him. They retain their value quite well.

That ‘79 would have a manual transmission on it though, so if you want easy for him to learn on, I’d get one of the others. I’ve really wanted a scoot for awhile now, but would have to get my own bike license first, and living in a semi-rural area, not sure how good of a decision it would be. The 2011 would be my preference as I quite like that generation, but the ‘96 would be a cool pic as well as it’s the classic design...not sure if that one is twist-and-go or would have a manual (being the older style) as well?

I have digital Service manuals/User manuals/Parts catalogs for the LX150 generation if you need them! :D

PS9 > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:01

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The gearhead disease must be allowed to conquer the next generation. Glad to see you stepping up to do your part.

JGrabowMSt > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:19

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I was brought up on more of a tough nugget scale, rather than tough love, or anything that resembled it. Dont worry, I have made a way for myself.

I truly admire that youre being proactive and involved with your son’s mental health. I have very personal experience with viewing the absolute worst of what can happen when it is not laid close attention to. No book, class or doctor can really give any insight into how to properly and lovingly address an individual, and that is truly unfortunate. I know what there is a large generational divide that can get in the way of admitting even to yourself something is wrong (not saying you are, but I have seen it).

If vespas, or two wheels end up not working out, maybe look at social things that he really likes. I very much hesitate to accept video games in this because it lacks an extremely important social experience that direct interaction provides, but you’re off to an amazing start.

Personally, be it plastidip, wrap or paint, start off with what color he likes best, and if you find the right one, maybe start with making it the right color.

No matter what, I do hope for the best. It isnt easy from either side, dropping down from the parental state to try and work through a rut. Even without being a parent, it is something I understand. You’ve noticed and you’re acting sooner rather than later, and thats whats important. As others have said, if this doesnt work out, there are other ways to go, and all of them will take effort, but they will be a good way to meet friends and get past his rut.

E90M3 > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:21

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I struggled with depression while at my old job, and at times still do. It got pretty bad, at one point I lost 20 lbs in a month because I literally had no appetite and no desire to eat. In the midst of all of that, there was one thing that always cheered me up, my car. There is just something about just being alone with a machine. It doesn’t always help everyone, but the freedom and the solitude can be good. It could also be a good bonding experience. Unfortunately, I was never really able to do that with my dad when I was younger, although we do bond over BMWs now. We’ve also been to the junkyard together. Everyone is different, but there is no harm in trying.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:23

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“High end residential facility.”

I have never heard this phrase, and can only ask if you mean he is currently institutionalized?

Chariotoflove > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:26

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I have experience with family members who have struggled with debilitating depression. I have no advice, just prayers.

jimz > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:46

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a common interest can really help. depression isn’t “being sad,” or sitting in the corner crying, or moping around. it’s a filter which colors our perception of everything. that filter reduces positive feedback and lets the negative come through full force. it’s a filter which takes “I disagree with you” and turns it into “I hate you.” it takes “no, I think you’re wrong” and turns it into “I wish you didn’t exist.”

you can’t cure him, but it might be very helpful if you can find something you both enjoy doing together. people with severe depression truly feel they’re a burden and that their loved ones would be better off without them. talk won’t counteract that. a shared activity you both enjoy- where both of you are happy and he can see you’re happy to be with him- might.

you’ve been through it once with Dave (that’s what I’m calling your older son from now on since he looks like ‘80s Dave Mustaine.) you’re doing the best you can.

CB > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:49

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I’ve been there, and the best thing you can do is to find the right balance between being involved and being overbearing. It’ll take time and a lot of communication, but you can do it. I’m pulling for you and your son. We’re all in this together.

The Opponaut formerly known as MattP123 > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:51

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Something about motorcycle/scooter + depression doesn’t sound safe... What else have you tried and what are the other options?

EngineerWithTools > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 21:55

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Here to say the same thing as Mr. Chariot...

Family members have struggled mightily with depression in years past. It was new to me and I didn’t do everything right, but eventually she recovered, and is good today.

I can’t imagine the strain you and yours are under. Here’s hoping everyone is back under the same roof, or car (properly put on jack stands), as soon as possible.

WilliamsSW > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 22:01

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As someone who has had some struggles with depression, I think this is an excellent idea. Get him involved in something he can develop a passion for, and support him through and through on it.

Good luck to both of you!!

Svend > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 22:15

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Still going through depression myself, it greatly helps having something to do, keeping your mind occupied.

If you can keep him occupied and have it be something he’ll really get enjoyment out of, it’s great therapy.

AestheticsInMotion > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 22:23

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This seems like a great idea.

LastFirstMI is my name > ImmoralMinority 01/16/2018 at 22:34

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Hang on to those moments of goodness and hope. We have a son who has been in and out of treatment facilities; there were times when bringing him the latest copy of Car & Driver or going out on pass to a local cars and coffee was a glimmer of light in the dark. I think they need those moments almost as much as we do. Of course it doesn’t matter if it’s cars, sports, or whatever, that feeling of connection and unconditional love is the best medicine. At least it was for me! I hope it is for you and your family as well.

ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com > ImmoralMinority 01/17/2018 at 00:19

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I feared this was what your recent posts we’re about. While I’ve not felt the pain of depression myself, it has made itself know in the cruelest and most debilitating ways to so some of the closest people in my life.

It is cruel, it takes no quarter and it makes no sense. The best I can offer is my deepest sympathy and the command to never stop fighting for the ones you love. Even when they have no fight left themselves, you can still fight on thier behalf, and that can save their lives.

I can also offer you some hope. It always gets better eventually, and what you do for your loved ones when they can’t for themselves is an act that they will appreciate for the rest of thier lives, even if they don’t at the time.

Depression isn’t them; it is a parasite that they’ll need all your love, power and support to help them manage. If you’re there for them, fighting on their behalf and doing what you think is the right thing, you’re doing right by them.

For a 14 year old in general, I can think of nothing better than a consuming hobby that makes their heart go pitter patter. If a Vespa Sparks that flame, I imagine it would be the best money you ever spend. For me that was cars and driving fast, and access to cars and racetracks gave me a central and consuming focus in life at that age. It meant there was an activity that left me feeling so alive and invigorated that it defined me and gave me purpose for everything thing I had to do to accomplish it. It also left me without enough time, money or energy to engage in anything else.

When they get the depression under control, something that provides a focus, direction and makes his heart go pitter patter can only be a good thing.

I’m not on the oppo Facebook page, but feel free to reach out to me at any time at froc0107@gmail.com. I’m happy to offer anything I can, or even just to be someone to listen.

pip bip - choose Corrour > ImmoralMinority 01/17/2018 at 04:56

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depression is bad.

get him a Vespa

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > ImmoralMinority 01/17/2018 at 13:52

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I’m sorry to hear it. Hoping the best for your family.

CaptDale - is secretly British > ImmoralMinority 01/17/2018 at 18:18

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I think his own Vespa would be good. Because then he will have his and your other son has his etc and you have one of each to go with them.

Captain of the Enterprise > ImmoralMinority 01/17/2018 at 20:11

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I’m sorry that your kids are dealing with depression. I have depression too and am 23. My family isn’t supportive at all and is mad at me for it. I think it’s great that you are working with them instead of against them. I had to find help for myself (therapist and psychiatrist for therapy and medication which I wasn’t allowed to take but started anyway when I turned 18 and the decision became mine instead of my dads even when I had an attempt he was against it). I like the bike idea but think it’s even more important to get him whatever help he needs. Therapy does help and meds have helped me too. The bike could be a good bonding experience but that alone won’t fix his condition. I sincerely hope for the best for you and your family.